Sunday 14 October 2012

My boyfriend wants to break up with me because of pimples


Dear R4R
i have been seeing your link around so i decided to send you this......
 pls i need your help and the help of your viewers, i am 20 years old and i have a boyfriend who is 24years old, we have been dating for some years now and i have been battling with so much pimples even before he met me , i actually have pimples on my face, my neck, my back, my chest and even on my bum bum, i even have on my upper arms , i find it hard wearing sexy clothes and as such i dont feel sexy for him, i feel so bad and am scared i might lose him any moment pls help me.i have avery fine face though. worse of all is the pimples when it goes leaves black spots, whether or not i touch it.am so sad right now as i write this. please help.

please tell me what to do to clear the pimples and if this could actually be the reason for his funny behaviour lately.

thannk you i will be so glad if i get positive responses.

Friday 5 October 2012

Mother-in-laws


Be inclusive regardless of your personal feelings. Okay, so you know she doesn't like you and you're pretty sure she knows that you don't like her. This doesn't mean you can just stop visiting. This is your spouse's mother, remember, and a mother is very important in life. Don't be rude when your wife or husband wants to visit his or her parents on a Saturday afternoon. You still need to let their child-parent relationship breathe. Visit with your spouse – don't make yourself scarce. Your in-laws will think you're a wuss and this will only make them dislike you more. Remember, the goal is to "get along" with your mother-in-law...

Talk it through with your spouse. Telling your spouse is vital; if your spouse has no idea how you're feeling, he or she may put you in situations you'd rather not be in, like taking care of dear old mom while she's sick. Find an opportune time to sit down together and talk through the issues in a calm and kind way.

  • Tell your spouse kindly (remember, this is his or her mother) how you feel. State the facts, not your opinions. For example, if your mother-in-law tried to run you over with her SUV, say so. Don't say, "She's horrible and she wants to kill me!" Explain very clearly, without being rude and hurtful: "Ah Musa, I'm worried your mom might be having sight problems because last week she back the SUV right into me even though it was the middle of the day and I was wearing a bright red dress."
  • Discuss calmly. Ask your spouse how he or she feels about your mother's behavior (present the facts, not your perception). If the both of you are sharing opinions, it may allow you to be more honest.
  • If it's good enough for you, it's good enough for your spouse. Don't freak out if your spouse hates your own mother with a passion! Remember, if you're just finding out now, then obviously they've done a good job at hiding it. So expect them to continue hiding it around your family.
  • Don't be surprised if your spouse refuses to "take sides". He or she loves both of you equally, so taking sides can seem petty and pointless in such a case


  • Give her Space
     Let her spend time alone with her child. Don't always expect to be hovering around your spouse and knowing everything that's happening right then.Don't compete with her. If she makes the best egusi soup and pounded yam you have ever had, stop trying to outdo her. Rely on letting your own unique strengths that attracted your spouse to you to shine forth instead. There is plenty of room for both of you!

    Clarify misunderstandings. Don't allow your relationship with your mother-in-law to be directed by her assumptions about you and your needs. This is at least one area where you can set her straight, even if she doesn't want to listen. Be assertive and use the broken record technique to keep reminding her whenever she gets things mixed up that things are not as she says they are. Do it politely, firmly, and repeatedly. She'll get the message that there are some things which you will continue to insist on regardless of her assumptions


  • Responding in a direct manner and addressing your mother-in-law's complaints will disarm her to an extent but it also lets her know that you will stand up for yourself and family when you believe that a line has been crossed.


  • Use humour
     Deflecting criticism with humor can deflate the barbs intended and put everyone at ease again. When it seems that all she's interested in doing is complaining, try to find witty means for replying.

    Look for the good she does and praise it. Always do this in her presence and be genuine. Praising the behavior you want from another person is an often successful technique for ensuring that the desired behavior is repeated. Ignore the undermining behavior completely; just focus one what her good points are.
  • Thank her for raising such a wonderful spouse!
  • Flatter her by passing on a compliment about her that someone else you know made about her (for example, "Your mother-in-law is amazing!").

  • Be kind and get to know her
    Just like you, your mother-in-law has experienced life's problems, joys, and losses. And just like you, she cares about the person you've married. Take some time to ask her questions about her life, to try and get to know her better. Perhaps some of her complaints stem directly from experiences she's had in the past of things that didn't work out for her and she's really worried that the two of you will repeat the wheel. If you understand her fears and concerns better, you'll be in a better position to reassure her.
  • Ask her for things that show you respect her knowledge. Ask for the recipe of a cake that she bakes that you love. Ask her how she manages to keep her hair in such great shape. Ask her how she found balancing work and child-raising. Ask her all sorts of things under the sun that allow her to talk about herself. You will learn a lot and it's a good opportunity to reassure her of the things that she does best.
  • Next time you're at her house, try to spend a few moments with her in the kitchen or sit near her and chat. If the conversation doesn't go that well, you can always get up to use the bathroom and sit back down in another chair!
  • Ask her to do things for you if you don't think she'll think about it

  • Ask her to proofread your report before submitting it. Ask for her professional opinion about something if she's qualified in a particular field. Ask for whatever you think she has expertise in and will enjoy helping you with or offering advice about.
  • Friday 28 September 2012

    Mother-in-laws and their wahala

    How to get my mother in law to like me had been a big problem over the years until i discovered the following  tips, make sure u look them through and keep yourself updated as i keep u posted on the tips on a daily basis for some days.


    1. Be Polite
    One of the hardest parts of a negative relationship with your mother-in-law is keeping your mouth shut when she brings out the nitpicking, critical comments. Being polite is not the same as putting up with what is being done; you're still perfectly entitled to stand up for yourself, but it is about not stooping to the same level u get?.
    now if u v a hard time being polite then go through the following

    a. smile wen u introduce yourself

    b.be friendly and halpful

    c.be tolerant

    d.mainatain good posture at all times

    e.compliment people about their clothing with a smile, acting friendly goes a long way because u neva know when u wuld need a prticular friend ata particular time . so keep it real.

    f. try to be very understaanding


    2. just act like you like her
    by doing this do not take yourself to be a pretender, just do it to maintain that relationship, plus you are martied to her child, so whats the worst that can happen?
    Even if she is so difficult or different, you have to show to your spouse that you two can be good friends. That would make him/her feel comfortable and in case she dislikes you, he/she would never think it's because of something you have done or because you haven't tried to have a nice relationship with her


    More tips coming to you subsequently , please feel free to leave your comments as to your opinions,contibutions and suggestions.thank you.

    Tuesday 25 September 2012

    Dear R4R,
    so i have been seeing your link on Linda's Blog and figured i should send my relationship issues here. pls can u help me? i know this is anew Blog but i would like to post my issues here in order to get positive responses and help.

     I got married 3years ago and i live in abuja while my husband lives in a state in the North , well on this fateful day i travelled to the northern state where my husband lives and while i was cleaning the house i saw a female Pant in the house, so i decided to ask my husband who said that i should mind my own business and said i was not suppose to search his house, this caused a big fight and he almost sent me out of the house back to abuja where i live with the kids( he is a civil servant serving in the state) i have discussed with alot of my in laws and my pple, and they all say i should stay and endure with him. needless to say he is from Edo state and i am a yoruba woman from ijebu.

    pls R4R, post my comments , nd i hope i get good comments because i am really confused i need help on what to do.
    thanx.

    Thursday 20 September 2012

    I FIND IT HARD LOVING A GIRL FOR LONG

    i just got this mail from a reader.

    "Hi, i find it difficult to love a girl for a very long time and its the reason why my relationships dont last more than a year.what are the factors that may be responsible for this and what can i do? Pls i need your advice"


    An avenue to discuss pressing issues in our relationships as a whole.Relationship with family , friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, pastors, church, neigbours, bosses, collegues both in the office and school........u  name it.
    The dicussions and mails sent to me by readers would be published and only helpful and reasonable advices should b posted via comments by other readers. This should b fun. yihaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*************