Be inclusive regardless of your personal feelings. Okay, so you know she doesn't like you and you're pretty sure she knows that you don't like her. This doesn't mean you can just stop visiting. This is your spouse's mother, remember, and a mother is very important in life. Don't be rude when your wife or husband wants to visit his or her parents on a Saturday afternoon. You still need to let their child-parent relationship breathe. Visit with your spouse – don't make yourself scarce. Your in-laws will think you're a wuss and this will only make them dislike you more. Remember, the goal is to "get along" with your mother-in-law...
Talk it through with your spouse. Telling your spouse is vital; if your spouse has no idea how you're feeling, he or she may put you in situations you'd rather not be in, like taking care of dear old mom while she's sick. Find an opportune time to sit down together and talk through the issues in a calm and kind way.
Give her Space
Let her spend time alone with her child. Don't always expect to be hovering around your spouse and knowing everything that's happening right then.Don't compete with her. If she makes the best egusi soup and pounded yam you have ever had, stop trying to outdo her. Rely on letting your own unique strengths that attracted your spouse to you to shine forth instead. There is plenty of room for both of you!
Clarify misunderstandings. Don't allow your relationship with your mother-in-law to be directed by her assumptions about you and your needs. This is at least one area where you can set her straight, even if she doesn't want to listen. Be assertive and use the broken record technique to keep reminding her whenever she gets things mixed up that things are not as she says they are. Do it politely, firmly, and repeatedly. She'll get the message that there are some things which you will continue to insist on regardless of her assumptions
Use humour
Deflecting criticism with humor can deflate the barbs intended and put everyone at ease again. When it seems that all she's interested in doing is complaining, try to find witty means for replying.
Look for the good she does and praise it. Always do this in her presence and be genuine. Praising the behavior you want from another person is an often successful technique for ensuring that the desired behavior is repeated. Ignore the undermining behavior completely; just focus one what her good points are.
Be kind and get to know her
Just like you, your mother-in-law has experienced life's problems, joys, and losses. And just like you, she cares about the person you've married. Take some time to ask her questions about her life, to try and get to know her better. Perhaps some of her complaints stem directly from experiences she's had in the past of things that didn't work out for her and she's really worried that the two of you will repeat the wheel. If you understand her fears and concerns better, you'll be in a better position to reassure her.
Nice
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well said.I av learnt alot eventhough my mother is late.atlist 4my unborn future generations.Krist.
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